it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
