Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
