I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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