How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
