I puked a lego.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
