I seem to have left my pride at pride
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize