True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
