I just gift wrapped bread.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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