i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
