So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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