Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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