I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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