Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
