I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize