i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
