I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
