Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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