Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
