i wish my penis had a tongue
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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