Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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