my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
