I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
