hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
