somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
