I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
