Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
