I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we're making bets on your personal life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize