I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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