apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize