We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
