i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
