you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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