this boner is exhausting
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
