"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
