they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize