She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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