i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
