I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
