I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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