I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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