u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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