I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
