You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Text me some of your sweat
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
