she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
