suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
