dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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