From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
