but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
