we have pet lesbian snakes
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
