there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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