I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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