sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
