he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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