It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize