I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
