Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
