we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
