We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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