dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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