cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
