the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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