I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
