smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
