Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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