I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
