what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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