just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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