o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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