great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
