Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize