we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize