Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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