Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
